How to Read a Winelist

When the wine list appears many restaurant customers, me included, feel like hiding in the loo until the “Who chooses?” moment has passed. As a wine writer, I’m frequently handed the carte and asked to select appropriate partners for the food guests have chosen, which can run the whole gamut, from rare venison to tofu. As a moment to dread, choosing wine to accompany a meal is up there with buying a second-hand car or telling your rugger-bugger dad you want to be a ballet dancer. So the first thing to do when confronted with a wine list is to shed your inhibitions and go for it. Make your choices and be prepared to defend them to the death or at least growl to a begrudger “Well, you can bloody pick them next time.”
That said, the best way to get good value in wine at a restaurant is to become an educated consumer. You need to have an interest in wine. You need to be able to tell a good list from a bad one, of which there are many. And you need to know a little about how restaurants price wines. In crude terms, you can expect to pay two to two-and-a half times the cost of the same bottle when bought in your local wine merchant or supermarket. In an upmarket restaurant or hotel the mark-up could be easily three or more times the retail cost. Very often a restaurateur will use a sliding scale pricing strategy by which the less expensive wines carry a higher mark-up and the really expensive bottles take a more modest hit.
So what makes a good wine list? Well, the perfect list would offer a wide choice, a broad global selection unless the restaurant majors on the food of a specific region. Say 25 -30 wines with as much emphasis placed on the cheaper wines as the more upmarket offerings. It should also contain a good selection of half bottles and a choice of decent wines by the glass. There will be details of each wine’s origin, producer and vintage, as well as informative tasting notes and sound recommendations for food pairing. All truly stellar wine lists will have ‘vintage depth’ too.
Unfortunately not all lists reach this acme of perfection. You can sub-divide the also-rans into five categories. These are ‘Quirky’, ‘Safe’, ‘Brand-lumbered’, ‘Apathetic’ and ‘War and Peace’. ‘Quirky’ lists are invariably compiled by enthusiastic but not necessarily knowledgeable proprietors, of the kind who go on holiday year-after-year to the same sun spot. On their return, they flood the list with wines of the region. If you spot more than two oddball wines from some obscure appellation, tread warily. ‘Safe’ lists are the province of proprietors with no interest whatever in wine. At the same time they don’t want to lose money so they call up one or maybe two big suppliers and enquire “What sells?” The representative calls and, eyes gleaming at the thought of commission, constructs a list from his company’s portfolio. The ‘Brand-lumbered’ list is an even safer version of ‘Safe’ – “give ‘em something they’re used to” is the theme, here you’ll find Gallo Turning Leaf, Mouton Cadet and Jacob’s Creek Reserves. Here I ought to add a rider and say these are by no means bad wines but their very profusion can indicate a lazy “six-out-of-ten must try harder” approach.
The ‘Apathetic’ list is the real one to shun. Indeed it’s probably worth walking out of the restaurant at first sight. Inevitably comprising a mere 5 or 6 wines, plus a couple of naff sparklers, there’s a distinct danger that the apathy has spilled over into the food. Finally, there’s the ‘War and Peace’ list. This will be a leather-bound tome about the size of a family bible. It’s a safe bet that vintages indicated on the list will not match those on the bottles in the cellar and that a good number of the wines, usually the ones you choose, won’t be available. Still, a restaurant that goes to these lengths must be serious about its wines so spare your eyesight and ask the sommelier for advice.
Of course the best wine list in the world is useless without professional support. Take a look around you. Glasses should be of good quality and spotlessly clean. There should be someone who knows about wines, whether sommelier or waiter, in evidence. Uncorking and decanting should be done without sweat or tears. Keep your ears open too: wines should be stored and served at the correct temperature and other guests may be vocal if it is not.
Finally, if you can, do your homework before you go. Many restaurants these days publish their wine lists on their website which will allow you to assess both their seriousness and their desire to give value for money.

Here are my top tips for getting the best booze for your buck

Focus on what you (and other guests) are in the mood for. Is it red or white? Light, delicate wines or substantial ones? This allows you to chop the list in half before you start, saving reading time.

Unless you have confidence in the integrity of the proprietor or have knowledge of the house wine, skip it. House wines generally carry a higher mark-up than other bottles and are often included on a list simply for their contribution to profitability.

Mark-ups will be average in the median range. Generally wines priced between€25 and €45 a bottle represent acceptable value. The best value is often to be found in the higher echelons though not everyone can afford to go there.

If you have the gut feeling that the server knows what he/she is talking about, take their recommendation.

Accompany regional food with the wine of that region if the option exists.

Stand by your guns. Be prepared to stand by and justify your choice against the moaner in the party, of which there’s always one.

Don’t be afraid to refuse a wine that’s ‘corked’. And please do remember that ‘corked’ isn’t a matter of fragments of cork in the glass, that’s just clumsy opening. A bottle is ‘corked’ when the presence of TCA, a wine ailment, is in evidence. If a first nosing detects wet wool, mustiness or a damp old newspaper smell, reject it.

This article first appeared in ‘You and Your Money’