(Well, I had to call it something and I was listening to Beth Orton’s ‘Trailer Park’ the last time I cooked it)

per 2 people allow
2 pig’s kidneys, thinly sliced
4 or 5 mushrooms, thinly sliced
2 rashers of plain (pale) bacon, cut into 3 or 4 pieces
olive oil, lemon juice, Vermouth, cream

Wash the kidneys in cold water and pat dry with kitchen roll. Slice each pig’s kidney roughly 10mm thick ( about three slices to the inch). Slice thinly the mushrooms, ideally the large flat ‘breakfast’ variety. Grill two slices of bacon, without the rind. Fry the kidneys, on a medium heat, in a dessertspoonful of olive oil, turning them, and pricking them to test when they are cooked through. At this stage add a squeeze of lemon juice and another dessertspoonful of oil. Turn up the heat and add the mushrooms. When they are cooked, add the bacon, each rasher cut into three or four pieces; a dash of dry Vermouth and a tablespoon of cream. Allow to bubble until the cream thickens. Serve on thick slices of good white bread, toasted under the grill on one side only.
An elegant snack for two, quickly and easily made; of course, if you swap the bread for a bun or bap, you have, in my opinion, one of the world’s five top burgers. Go easy on the mustard and relish.