Ouzo’s,

AwopBopAlooBopAlopBamBoom! In this seminal chronicle of the rock and pop phenomenona, Nik Cohn observed that in the first year of any given decade the music is always crap. Personally, after Rue Morgue 1960 and ghastly ’70, I didn’t think 1990 was that bad. Merely dull. I always think of it as the year Middle Of the Road came of age.
We were sat awaiting a waiter. Knofler’s mimsy ramblings ceased as Dire Straits faded into the Strat-osphere. Prefab Sprout broke into one of Paddy McAloon’s post-relationship trauma hymns. Lefty, my guest, who’d shared a big Mac with me back in the year Tom Petty was Free Fallin’ and Sinead banging on about how Nothing Compares 2U said “I wonder what’s coming next?” Maybe it was the retro ambience that caused me to order a prawn cocktail.
Ouzo’s in Ranelagh, located above McSorley’s pub, is a pleasing barn of a room, ingeniously divided by tropical fish tanks. Chairs and tables are good and substantial and lighting enables you to see what you are eating. Cosy it’s not; inviting, it is. And well patronised by the kind of diner who would find neighbour Mint a tad intimidating or a mite expensive. In a phrase, Middle Of The Road – like the music.
Apart from a range of pizzas for the impecunious, economising or time-pressed, Ouzo’s majors on fish and steak. The restaurant makes great play of having fresh lobster on the menu and, laudably, at an affordable price. Sample: lobster chops, i.e. collops of back lobster wrapped in smoked bacon and skewered – a generous helping of same for e20. Unfortunately on this particular night (a Monday) lobster was ‘off’ as were crab claws. The weekenders and the early birds had laid waste to the crustaceans, though molluscs were still in evidence. Faced with ‘moules faintly French’ and ‘moules sort of Thai’ – our words not theirs, Lefty opted for the former. The moules were fine and there were plenty of them. A prawn cocktail, sixties cliché as it is, stands or falls on the quality of the prawns and these were not amazing. We washed the ensemble down with a couple of glasses of the house wine, a Cullemberg (South African) Chenin Blanc that was adequate, without raising the Wow! Factor.
The wine list gave no clue to the vintages on offer so, although we have confidence in the ability of Peter Pratten and son of Capel Vale to deliver a decent drop whatever the weather, we went in search of information. “Vintage?” said the waiter, whom we won’t lumber with the title of sommelier, “I beg your pardon?” “The year listed on the bottle” we offered, trying not to complicate matters. “I think it’s 2003 or 2004” was the reply. At that we gave up and ordered Capel Vale’s Cabernet Merlot anyway. It proved to be their entry level wine, marked up averagely and sold for e24.95, neither a bargain nor a rip-off. MOR again?
Before any pedant points out that I shouldn’t be drinking a Bordeaux blend red with fish and chips, even tempura-battered haddock, let me say I don’t bloody care. It was what I felt like drinking on the night. Put it down to the lack of fireworks generated by the lazy boy wine list, a 4/10 “could try harder” compilation from Cassidy’s catalogue. Anyhow, the CV complemented Lefty’s Moroccan-style tagine of lamb with its earthy rich flavours a treat. If I was to single out one item from everything we ate as outstanding it would be this tagine as the lamb was juicy, perfectly textured, the sauce rich and unctuous and the whole thing awash with flavour. More restaurants should provide a dish or two of this nature to satisfy those of us who haven’t sold out our birthright for an excess of styling and contrivance. My haddock too, in a gossamer-down batter, was exceptional – justification both of Ouzo’s owner’s policy to buy and operate his own fishing boat and of the chef’s ability. I am informed that a larger vessel is on the slipway as I write so maybe the lobster won’t run out so early in future. As accompaniment we took onion rings – not quite Shanahan’s standard, despite what I’d been told; mixed roast vegetables – overcooked, a shade too beige for my fancy; and truly awful soggy skinny chips, the kind that make you wonder whether they could possibly be related to spuds. They couldn’t, could they?

To follow, Lefty had the apple crumble – how MOR is that? Delicious, he said. I took the cheeseboard which returned to the 4/10 theme – only water biscuits; a silly clump of tasteless frizzy greens and five or six cheeses, mainly of the wax wrapped semi-ersatz kind apart from a wedge of Milleens (“French brie” said the waiter – wrong!) that stood out like an uileann piper in a punk band. Of the rest I only recognised Dubliner and if one more dumb eejit tells me it’s a “good cheddar” I swear I’ll throw up or else take them to Sheridan’s and buy them a half pound of Montgomery.

We finished with a black coffee, “Fine” said Lefty; and a not-so-great espresso. We chatted with staff, nice guys all. At this point I introduced myself; they asked me what I thought and said they’d be happy to take on board any criticism, so, deep breath, here goes:

1. If you are going to put on a retro-cliché like prawn cocktail make sure it’s a great one.
2. If you are going to serve something as plain as fish and chips (and why not) take a good hard look at your presentation – get over to Caviston’s at Monkstown and see how this simple classic is turned out as a gourmet treat.
3. Keep your nice staff on their toes. Yes, I know it was a Monday night and hence quiet but your restaurant is not a youth club – they should be keeping an eye on the diners, not hanging around the bar counter enjoying the craic.
4. Put a bit of effort into your wine list. Diners don’t need huge choice. They do appreciate balance, originality and a bit of pizazz. Take a look at Jaipur. Then find a member of staff who will take an interest in wine and train them up. Take them over to L’Ecrivain, Shanahans, Pearl, Town and let them observe Martina, Nisea, Julien, Sean in action.
5. Tweak your cheese selection. Quality, not quantity, please.
Ouzo’s is fine as far as it goes and I’m sure many solid citizens love it to bits. But overall, it’s just too Middle Of the Road. At the moment I feel it’s a restaurant for when you’re too lazy to cook at home and I think it has the potential to be rather more than that. Price? e108, ex-service, for three courses, two glasses, a modest bottle and coffee. Totally MOR but for once I won’t quibble!

Ouzo’s, above McSorley’s pub, Ranelagh, Dublin 6. Tel: (01) 491 2253